THE WEEK OF CHANGES (Warning it is long)

I wanted to dedicate this blog to the people that have been my life and are no longer, and the others that still are. People around us are the ones who shape us, they can change your life in the greatest way or the worst, but they are still there in your life for a reason, no matter what the circumstance is.

This week has been a life changing week for me in so many ways. Not only did I start Grade 11 but I also let go of two significant relationships in my life, made some hard life changing decisions and finally learnt to love accept myself for who I am through the whole process.

At the start of the week I was defiantly not in the best place mindset wise or friend wise. I had come to the point were I had to let two of my friends go in my life, and at first I was confused and in denial. These two relationships were very significant in my life and for a long time I had been holding onto them for dear life. But it came to the point were the friendship wasn't benefiting both parties and I had to accept the fact that I just needed to let it go. It wasn't easy but you probably have experienced something similar in your life so far, as many others do.

I know lately I have been writing a lot about acceptance and accepting through love, and thats because it is such a huge lesson that we all go through and one that I had been trying to understand  for a long time. So you may be wondering how did I come to the fact of actually expecting myself fully to the point were I'm writing about it. Well thats is a interesting story...

My friend said something to me while she was expressing how she was feeling and that was that I was selfish and that I put everything onto others and my friends. If its true or not thats besides the point. But I didn't take it as her being mean or anything, because that wasn't her fault she was just expressing how she was feeling. But the thing is that the negative side of my subconscious grabbed onto to these words expressed and sent me into a downward spiral of negative self talk. I kept saying to myself, how could I be so selfish and do this to my friends then I went onto saying that I'm a bad friend, I'm selfish, I feel so guilty, I can't believe I'm putting my friends through all this, etc... But the thing is that wasn't her fault at all thats just how I handled it and took it on.

But I think if it weren't for her saying those things then I wouldn't have come to the point of acceptance about myself that I have. Yeah sure she maybe could have said it a little nicer or differently, but everything happens for a reason and its ok.

So anyway I came to a point after crying, hysteria/delusion and then sleep, that I finally decided that who am is ok, and what others think about me is none of my business.  Seems simple when I write it but I didn't just wake up and think oh I accept who I am. I had been told for years how to accept myself, this week though one of my mentors told a simple enough line about just being ok with who you are.

I think how I fully took on what he said was because I had been developing and had started to become better, and was ready to move forward that I really heard the message this time. It was almost like a veil was just lifted and that I finally was able to see for the first time.

I didn't care what my body looked like, I just knew I needed to improve for myself. Thinking what people think about me is now none of my business. Going through what I went through is now ok because I far better off then if I didn't go through it.

I can't fully explain how I feel in words, but what this proves is that from every situation, moment, circumstance something comes from it. Also at the start of the week I was fully hating myself and thinking that I couldn't live another day with feeling lonely and not wanted, but now I feel better then I have ever felt. It's amazing how a single moment, day, week, month can totally change your life around.

I know this blog is long and if you have made it to this sentence then thank you for reading and putting in the time to read my blog. If your a friend of mine or no longer a friend, or whatever you have been in my life I want to thank you because every single time you are in my life you are adding, shaping me and I'm also learning. If you just a reader and don't know me then please know how much I appreciate you reading this. My mission in life is to help people, it may be a little hard sometimes or  some people may have their opinions, but even if just writing my advice and experiences and you take something from it that helps you that would be amazing.


I hope you enjoyed this blog

Till next time

XOXO

The Girl With The Red Shoes  

PS. I really want to start doing some fun blogs so if you have any ideas please let me know :)