Accepting in the forgiveness of love.

I started a blog post today wanting to talk about how much my friendships suck and how by writing about it  I'm trying to accept my past and how much I hurt from it.

But instead I'm sitting here eating chocolate and listening to the sweet vocals of Gavin DeGraw blast through the speakers of my computer and I'm thinking how can I be listening to such a magical voice  that oozes love and talk about hate.  So I'm not going to try and accept this situation because sometimes accepting a situation just can't be done. So I'm going to address this situation with love.  This blog post today I'm writing as a way of healing, for myself to move forward and let the past go. Sometimes we have to let the past go to let the new history be written and I choose to do that but with love. 


So for my friends that turned into my bullies I forgive you with love and fully choose to love you for all that you are.

For all the people that said I was crazy, weird, fat, ugly, brace face, a witch, a depressed freak, stupid or just not worth it I choose to forgive you with love and accept you for you.

For my friend that doesn't want to return my messages or talk to me and who broke my trust I forgive you with love and accept you for all that you are.

For my friend that choose her and didn't see me for me I forgive you with love and accept you for all that you are.

For the people that don't even see me or care I forgive you with love and fully choose to love you for all that you are.

But most importantly I forgive myself for giving up and not fighting, for the guilt, the suffering, the self hatred and for all that I hold onto. I forgive myself with love and accept myself for all that I am and who I will be one day.

This is a very hard thing to do and as I'm writing this I'm having a inner battle with myself but at the same time I'm letting it go. Nothing that is negative can withstand love and the thing is we all go through our trials in life and sometimes accepting a situation can't be done by just trying to accept it, so try with love. 

I hope you all have a joy filled day

Till next time

XOXO

The Girl With Red Shoes 

THE ACCEPTANCE OF LETTING GO

“By letting it go it all gets done.  The world is won by those who let it go.  But when you try and try.  The world is beyond the winning.”  –Lao Tzu  

In my life at the moment I'm faced with the fact of  accepting situations that I really rather not even have to deal with. Though I rather not have to deal with them, I am faced with the truth that I have to and become at a state of grace with them. 

For those who do not know what a state of grace is, it is when you accept the situation fully and when it no longer has an effect or emotion attached to the situation. 

You see with how my body and mind works is when I'm battling with a circumstance that is needing accepting, clearing or needs to be changed. My body shows the complication in an ache, pain or in sickness. Everyone has this to an degree without knowing it, but my body seems to react a lot easier, and excels the situation. 

So what am I having to accept at the moment? Well...

• I'm having to accept that my body has been for over 2 years battling with fatigue and how I have been waking up tired mostly everyday for over 3 years. 
• How I spent 2 years mostly in my bed, and I how in my mind I feel like I'm losing time and I wasted my teenage years. 
• How I can't even go to a Yoga class with out feeling tired, and its yoga! a place that should spiritually and physically energise and relax you. 
• I also can barely hang out with my friends or organise a day to hang out with them because I don' know how I'm going to feel. 
• How my iron and hormones are unbalanced that I'm putting on weight and have pimples, even though I'm eating right and trying to do some exercise, though it makes me tired. 
• How my best friend is across on the other side of the world and I barely get to talk to her, and how I miss her everyday. 
• How I don't want be in this body anymore or in pain. 
• That school starts in 9 days and I want to start  the year off well and energised, but at the moment I don't feel the best. 

So right now at this point in my life I'm angry, frustrated and hurt, and it's honestly not helping me one single bit. Yes I' am so over it that at most times I just want to scream and shout for it to end. But being constantly angry and frustrated at it doesn't help. Because you are allowed to feel all those emotions, if your friend died of course you would be upset and you are allowed to grieve but there comes a point where you can't grieve anymore because you get caught up in it and it takes over so you can't move on. 

I don't have the answers for how to accept a situation just yet, I'm searching for them and with the help of  my mentor I'm slowly finding my way. But something that my mentor taught me with was when your caught up in a situation take a  step back mentally from your body and if you were your own coach or best friend what would you say to yourself? As an example,  everything is going to be ok. This too shall pass. Just let the anger go. What is a positive thing that happened today? What has this taught you? 

Ask yourself some of these questions and remember to be your best friend, because at the end of the day you are the only person you have. 

Also remember the key to change is to let go of fear, and accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept. 

 Till next time 

xoxo 

The Girl With Red Shoes 

I DARE YOU!

I want to ask you to do something, not for me but for yourself. Lets just say I dare you! 

I dare you to wake up tomorrow in anticipation that something GREAT is going to happen. 

It seems that a secret epidemic, that most people don't think of, is the topic around what people perceive of the day a head of them. Most people wake up hating or dreading what the day is going to hold, or going to sleep and saying life sucks and they hate it. This actually causes a lot of undercover problems in life then you would think. 

How many times have you woken up or gone to sleep saying....

"I don't want to got to school."

"I don't want to go to work."

"School sucks and I wish I didn't have to go."

"I hate this person, they ruin my life and I don't want to see them at all." 

"Life is just too hard."

"I'm never going to be great, I suck." 

and so forth...

ITS SIMPLE! If you are starting of the day with negativity then you are only going to let negative things happen. Thats how depression works and normal life situations. You get into a pattern, a cycle of negative talk and your life becomes, in more words then one, Crap. 

So think of this as a science experiment or a dare, and you know with a dare you always have to do it. 

So... I dare you to wake up tomorrow in anticipation that something GREAT is going to happen.

Just see what happens, you never know until you try. 

Till next time

xoxo

The Girl With Red Shoes 

P.S Keep wearing your red shoes of confidence :)

IS IT ALL FAKE?

This is a topic that was brought up by a friend of mine and it is something that I have dealt a lot with when I was finding my way out of my depression, and I also believe its something that we all go through at one point or another.


You hear adults talking a lot about it, saying when you're a teenager you are trying to find who you are, but I honestly think you never fully know who, or what you are. Yes you know you're a human being, but there is always the questions of what do I believe in? What should I be doing? Who am I? Am I doing the right thing in life, and so forth. This is where sometimes we get caught up in an act of who we think we should be, then who we actually are.

A thing my friend kept saying is, I don't know who I am anymore, no one will ever know me, I just don't know who I am. This is because she had been acting for such a long time, trying to be who she thought everyone would like, that she became blind and confused and was not able to remember what was reality and what was fake.

This happened with me. I had lived in such a dark mindset that I didn't know in a way what happiness was like, I only knew from what I had read, or who my old self was and other things like this. That sounds really heavy, but I think we all do have these moments, where we ask ourselves all the who/what/why questions, and that is OK.

So now you may be thinking whats the point to me writing about this. I'm no expert and even if it's just for my friend reading this, or only 5 other people reading this, I at least thought I should discuss it. But I also want to try and give you some advice or maybe a solution that will help you. I don't fully know how I got out of all my confusion, but I do know a few things that helped me, and if these don't work for you or you don't want to do them, then at least you had some awareness that you're not the only one. So...

1. Firstly, make a list of all the things you love/enjoy/like (These can be anything or something you like to do, there is no limits, this is only for you to see).
2. Make a list of positive attributes about yourself, what you like about yourself not what others do. (minimum 10 and there is no max, its harder then it sounds :) 
3. Think back to the last memory you can when you really felt like yourself. This may be recent, a while ago, or maybe you can't even remember and thats OK. 
4. Finally change the self talk. For example instead of saying, "I don't know who I am anymore." Say "I fully understand who I am and I appreciate myself." This may sound stupid and I thought it was completely stupid and a waste of time once a upon a time. But it does work, you just have to do it. 

So this is your choice, you can either choose to do 1 or even all the activities I suggested. Or you can do none and not even worry about it and forget about this all in under 5 minutes. But where would that get you? Even if this don't-know-who-I-am thing isn't something that's your problem or something that you have never faced before, these activities do help in general and give you just a little more clarity, and who doesn't want that? 

So its your choice :) 

Till next time 

XOXO

The Girl With Red Shoes